And the count down begins, continues, whatever

So I have been very neglectful of my blog for a while. But it isn't like I haven't had enough things to do. Or at least that is what I tell myself. So far I have packed all my books and DVDs, all of my craft stuff, and everything else in the spare room, got rid of the eliptical, and will be getting more boxes to pack up the kitchen. I still have a lot that needs to be done, but I will get to it, or at least that is what I keep telling myself.

I am not sure whether I am excited, scared, nervous, or worried, or all at the same time, about starting school. I just got the sylabis for one of my classes today and ordered the two books for the class. There is going to be a lot of reading for these two classes I have to take for the summer. My biggest stress right now is not being able to find a place to live yet. Everytime I find a place that is a decent price it is either already taken or they won't hold it until June for me. Everyone says I should be fine when I get down there, but I guess I am just a worry wart.

I am excited that everything will finally get started and I haven't moved for over four years. And I am excited to get down to Laramie and have Marshall and Amber being so close in Fort Collins. But of course I am going to be crazy busy once school starts.

Goal: Get INTO Debt

So that might sound counter productive to say that I want to get into debt this year, but there is a rational explanation for it. I really really really want to get into Grad school this year. And since I am self employed, make a decent amount of money for being single, I won't be getting any financial aid, and I haven't saved a dime. So I will be getting into a significant amount of debt in order to go to school. I have considered how this might not be the best idea in the current economy. But I worry that if I do not do it now I might miss my chance. But as always I am very lazy and have put off to the last minute getting my applications to the schools. And that could be why I didn't get in last year. I don't know. Maybe when they see me applying again this year they will see that I have some sticktoitiveness (is that really a word?) and let me in. I have applied to the following schools for the following reasons, (follow along:))

The University of Wyoming - Well the first reason should be obvious, I live in Wyoming so I would be paying in-state tuition. And they have the program that I want, Counselor of Education. This program is also a two year intense program, which is good for me so I can just get to it and get it done. I understand that it is very difficult to get through, but I am determined. Not only would I be paying in-state tuition I would also be living closer to family, in fact, I might be living with family if I can't find a reasonable place to live and good job. UW would be the most comfortable transition to school out of the three options.

The University of New Mexico - I was very surprised to find out that UNM had the program I was interested in. It isn't exactly like the program at UW but it is close enough to consider. I would be paying out of state tuition, but I know I can live in Albuquerque again. I still have friends and family down there and I know my way around. And this is pretty much the only way I can see myself moving back down to NM. This program can take three to four years to complete, but if I focus I think I can make sure to do it in three. The would be my second choice because it is familiar.

Boise State - The reason I picked this school is because it is the only other school in the surrounding states that had the program I wanted, didn't require a teachers licence or the GRE (basically the ACT/SAT for grad school). This program can take three to four years to complete, but again, if I apply myself I can probably get it done in three. This would be the biggest change because it would be moving to a new state, again having to pay out of state tuition, and a new school which I know nothing about. And I would be moving farther away from any family.

I also applied for Western New Mexico University, my alma mater, but there program seems sketchy to me. You are conditionally accepted until after you have finished your first semester. It is then that they decide whether to officially accept you into the program. So you can move your whole life down there and then four months later be told you weren't accepted. Not too cool. So I haven't finished any of the other application info for WNMU.

And as a back up, backup plan, Adam's State University in Alamosa, CO has an online program that seems like it could work. There is no instate/our of state tuition difference and I would only have to go down there two weeks every summer for workshops. But I will have to see how the first three pan out before I make that kind of decision.

Pray for me!!!

"And thus goes everyone into the World but I,

And I am sunburnt."
Thank you Shakespeare. I am just kind of feeling that way tonight. It seems like everyone of my friends lives are moving on but me. Everyone is getting married, buying houses, having kids, getting things done and I seem to be in a holding pattern. But some of that is probably my fault. Because I am lazy at heart. I want friends but I like staying home by myself. I want to get into grad school but I put off getting the applications in because I am worried that I am reaching for something I can't get. I want to buy a house but I worried about getting tied down. I want a relationship but I don't reach out to anyone. I love my job, but I am restless in it and don't do a very good job.
Baahhhh! Too depressing, moving on.
Looking back over the last year I have really gotten a lot done. The biggest thing is obviously the weight loss. I can proudly say I have lost 65 lbs and I am down a couple sizes. I got to go back to Virigina and spend a whole week with Anne. Lots of cool stuff has been happening at the school. I moved to an office in the school building so I have been able to get more of the other dorms involved in the program. Eventhough I miss Elizabeth, I got Silly and she makes me happy.

I just need to worry about what is happening and not what isn't. I guess that's why they call it faith.

Oh how time flies

I can believe that it has been four months since I have written a new blog post. And I can't even use the excuse that I have been busy, because really I haven't. So now I have accomplished this big goal of losing all this weight but now I feel like I need another goal. I always have grad school, but I guess that one kind of feels like I have tried that one before and it didn't work. But I had tried a lot of times before to lose weight and it finally happened. So guess it is only a matter of time before I actually get into grad school. The point is to not get discouraged.

Still Going strong (kind of)

So I have been on this diet for the last seven week. I have lost almost 35 lbs so far. My original goal was to go from 220 to 175 but I have lowered my goal by 10 lbs because I think I can do it. Sometimes it is hard because I get pretty bored with the food options. But I started walking with a friend for about and hour and a half every night and that has help me get stronger. Speaking of stronger, there are some times where I feel a little light headed, and I have talked to my diet consultant about it. She told me to increase my limited foods to twice a day, but I am too stubborn to do it. I know that it would help, but I also know I won't get down to my goal weight as fast as I want to. So for right now I am just trying to make sure I get all of my allowed food in.

What is funny are the reactions I keep getting from everyone. I get a lot of "Have you lost some weight?", "You can really see it in your face.", "You know you really do need to eat." Granted I work with a lot of guys, and they are kind of hesitant to bring up weight with a woman, but I am proud of how much I have lost so I tell everyone. This last weekend I went back to Mom and Dad's to help them pack for their move and they were really surprised with how much I have lost. But then I opened my big mouth and told them I only get between 500-700 calories a day. Dad got really upset and told me that is not enough to sustain life. I don't know how many times I have to explain that this isn't a permanent thing, that I will eventually go back to eating whatever I want (however with better portion control then before). I am planning on starting to do some strength training in the mornings soon.

Oh well, life goes on.

The stuggle continues

So I have been on a new diet for about two weeks now and I am pretty excited about it. Granted I can't have a lot of the foods that I normally, but I am dropping the weight pretty decently. This last weekend I went to Mom and Dad's for Father's Day and pretty much everywhere I turned was another snack food I couldn't have anymore. It was interesting to think of all the calories I would have been mindlessly putting into my mouth if I hadn't been on this diet. I'm not going to lie, I over did it when we were eating shrimp, but I paid for that later that night. I didn't drink as much water as I should have, but these are minor things. Then Sunday morning, Mom tells me that she is worried about me going on so many fad diets and that she is worried I am getting a complex. But I am going to show her and anyone else that thinks I can't do this. It is hard, and I struggle with it every day, but giving up isn't an option.

Just a rant

So last night I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and my lot in life. I don't have many friends up here, I might not get into grad school next year, then what?, People at my job drive me crazy and I have gotten lazy again at my job, but I try to justify it with the little amount that I have done. Am I being stir crazy or just whiny? Then I read an article today that was about how the people that are graduating from college this year will find it harder then those that have gone before them to find a job. So it made me very thankful for my job. Then I watch a man I am very proud to call my friend explain to a group of juvenile deliquents that his only sister had been violently killed by her husband, and he bore his testimony to them about the Savior and the Atonement. This made me ponder. And I wonder, is this the best it is going to get? Should I just be content with what I have? Make the most of what I have? Stop looking for something better and appreciate what I do have?